A Psychological Study: The Real Housewives

I have to hand it to Bravo!  If they set out to make a cringe-worthy season of New York and New Jersey housewives they sure succeeded.  Homeless Lynn who? I can barely remember all of the OC Housewives names! I do remember Simon from OC though; how can you forget a d-bag like that.  I wonder where Simon is these days….maybe marrying another blonde he can manipulate.

Now, back to another ridiculous (but nicer) Simon in the land of New York, or shall I say BROOKLYN! A few priceless moments have already been on display and I have not been able to tear myself away from this show since Season 2 started.  I felt like stating my thoughts on some of the show’s highlights and lowlights and everything in between. 

First of all, the fact that Alex and Betheny are buddies KILLS me.  This was an obvious last ditch effort for support on Betheny’s part, and although Alex is really nice, we’re not stupid.  When Alex went to deliver the message to Jill that Betheny hates her I was dying. I couldn’t believe she did that. This was a major cringe worthy moment. Note to self: Alex can’t deliver anything gracefully.  She was so pleased to be one of Betheny’s minions that I was afraid she was going to start tap dancing and singing at the same time. 

I have a question. When did Ramona become a female version of Rambo in all of the social functions?  She’s firing insults at all of the wrong opponents at all of the wrong times. She reminds me of my sister when she was 8 and had to tell me embarrassing things like: “Your nose hair is showing” or “You look fat in those jeans”.  I love you sis, but you know you like to tell me things like that. Ramona is all about girl time and talking about how great she is in business.  It’s funny and also kind of mean that the producers show her bossing around her two female employees who look like all they do is talk badly about her.  If your employees roll their eyes at you there might be an issue.

Well back to Jill.  Looks like she got a hobby of being obnoxious in every episode. She clearly only cares about what Betheny is or isn’t doing and how someone else did or didn’t let her in on it.  The incident during cocktails where she blasted Ramona for not telling her that Betheny’s Dad passed away was ridiculous and straight out of The Exorcist.  What Jill did there was pretty much wipe everyone else’s slate clean.  Now, she’s way worse than Ramona was on the catwalk during the Brooklyn rags fashion show (and we all know that was supremely embarrassing).  Also, the first thing Jill does at Ramona’s “Tru Renewal” party was rag on how bad Ramona looks on her book cover and THEN she proceeds to say she’s trying to set an example for Ramona on how to be friendly.  Sounds like a really awesome example!  For those who think she’s just edited poorly I beg to differ.  You just can’t edit together the brilliance of what is a psychological breakdown.

 I have to say Betheny’s one liners still steal the show.  One of my favorites was when Kelly was trying to walk away after an argument (where she famously spouted off another “Kellinized” metaphor) and she couldn’t open the sliding doors. Betheny looks at the camera and says, “that moment was not lost on me”.   I also liked when she just told LuAnn off at the fashion show. LuAnn just has this arrogance about her and I was so happy someone finally let her have it! 

Speaking of LuAnn, her singing voice sounds like a horse screaming into a high powered fan. How in the world did that producer think this was an amazing song?  Let me share something with you all. If you are auto-tuned during the entire song it means you suck at singing.  You’re not making a song, LuAnn, you are inflating a dead dream!  I give you props for trying though. I guess that’s what makes the world go round.

All I have to say about Sonya is she needs to clean up the dog poop in her backyard! So far I like Sonya because she provides this interesting sandpaper between Betheny and Kelly.

You can tell I’m not a Kelly fan. I don’t really like her because I think she’s all about what other people think about her and she spends her entire time on camera portraying herself as someone who doesnt care what others think about her.  This contradiction is exactly the foundation of Kelly’s personality! Oh, and she hates feelings. She spends her time trying to appear that she’s floating on cloud 9; visiting party after party because that’s just her grand life.  She forgot to realize that beauty is only skin deep and most of the time the audience is just focused upon her dazed glare and hair flipping.  She is constantly pushing back her two front curly pieces of hair and it drives me bananas.

Kelly’s metaphors are sideways versions of mainstream phrases (like Lost’s sideways story lines) so those little tidbits are certainly not helping her case. She famously said on the yacht that a situation was bad just like “how lemons make lemonade”. LOL. At this point no one really bothers to try and correct her.  Sorry Kelly, not a fan, but I’m sure the grass is always greener on the other side of heaven where golf balls grow and palm trees swim and you do cartweels with midgets.  Update: I thought I was being mean with this statement just now but BRAVO actually put a very similar statement on the season finale! LOL.

New Jersey……wow. Where do I start? I’ve never cringed and looked away more than I did on the first season opener. Danielle hasn’t changed one bit and in fact she’s worse than she was in Season 1 (if that’s even possible).   She constantly tries to pretend she doesn’t care about anyone or anything involving the other housewives but all she does is focus her entire life on keeping tabs on them. I hear the twilight zone soundtrack playing in the background…….

Danielle’s daughters look like they are dying for the day they can move out.  I have to say her daughters are gorgeous but I just fear for them.  The youngest one appears to be the sharpest tool in the shed so far. She just rolls her eyes and I find it pretty entertaining. I did a little digging and found out her ex-husband is the CEO for some aerobics equipment chain. 

When Danielle had the party for her friends to display her daughter’s achievement it was the most uncomfortable moment I have ever witnessed. Who does that? Who does that and doesn’t even invite their daughter’s friends? Holy Cow. That’s like my mom having a party because I got a raise, but not inviting me or my friends.  Did you hear Danielle when she walked outside in the patio? She held up her hands as if she was holding a golden chalice and said:  “Oh the angels love me, God loves me today”  Wowzers.

Don’t even get me started on Danielle’s mafia style entrance to the brownstone. How many times does she have to tell us that if Danny has her back she’s in like flynn? Right. Um, did she forget that Danny just got out of prison and will do pretty much anything to not go back in? What good is this guy? Get a real mobster would ya? Caroline was trying so hard not to put a hit out on Danielle; you could just see her itching to dial up one of her 10 brothers to come and take Danielle out at the nail salon. “Pour all the nail polish remover on her head guys!”.

Blonde Diva Dina is my favorite followed by bankruptcy filin’  Theresa. Dina is soooooo beautiful and nice and funny and I think she’s really interesting. If Dina’s biggest issue is hiring an energy clearing guru then so be it!  Props to Theresa on announcing Dina as the godmother of her new baby. 

 I worry a little about Theresa’s need to always be miss perfect. Oh wait! I have good reason to because she’s got a problem spending money.  I can’t wait for the facade to come crashing down again like it did last season when I realized she was really a table flipping demon. lol. If you want a good laugh tho, go read her Bravo blog- it’s pretty entertaining. 

Caroline is trying really hard to be all about her son who wants to build a strip bar / car wash.  Hmmmmm. That sounds like a classy joint.  We’ll see how that pans out.  Caroline keeps saying that she hopes he’ll be a classy strip bar owner as opposed to the dirty drug dealing kind. Shoot for the moon!!!

Does anyone else get the feeling that Jacqueline is not 100% comfortable in this mafia style family? I can picture Jacqueline trying on her snow white outfit as the rest of her family dresses up as mafia hitmen. Im pretty sure her husband means well but I don’t see a happy and healthy relationship between her husband and her daughter, Ashley. I really hope that’s just the way it was edited. 

I have to say that this season has so far delivered the psychotic, crazy and unbelievable events that make blogs like this fun to write- but at the same time you have to ask yourself—–will this be funny in a few years when it starts to deteroriate their families? I hope it’s worth it!