The Official “Saw” Series Review

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Look no further, I’ve got it all mapped out for you….in blood. When Saw 1 first came out it was hailed as a brilliant new revolution for horror films. Why? The script had a raw and unexpected twist that fooled even the most die hard horror fans. Now, I realize some of you will say that you knew exactly what was going on! It’s quite possible you did, but if you deny that this film made waves in the world of horror, you would be lying.

Think of a killer who rehabilitates his victims. Not only that, add in unique twists that all of his victims have in common. Next sprinkle in some crazy never-before-seen contraptions or “tests” that the killer crafts. Then add in a crazy Jigsaw puppet who rides on a tricycle and tells you what your task is going to be as you sit chained, stapled, nailed, clamped to a death contraption. He is going to give you a choice…and the films become famous for Jigsaw saying “Make Your Choice”.

Jigsaw is a puppet used by the real killer, and you don’t find out who the killer is for a while.  Eventually you learn what his motives are, how he picks his victims, who knows about him, what his personal life is, and why he has chosen a life of rehabilitating others. No doubt it sprouts from some severe mental thrush of his own. What’s really great about this series is you begin to UNDERSTAND this killer and in some occasions- respect what he’s doing.

Now get this,  most of his “Make Your Choice” tests are smart, deceptive and cunning. They play upon a person’s negative first instincts versus a better choice that ultimately saves them from 100% death.  I’m not saying they walk away unscathed if they pass a test- that just wouldn’t be entertaining now would it? How bad do you want to live?

What’s the best contraption I have seen? I have to say that MY favorite was in Saw 5- I liked the series of contraptions and rooms tied to their first decision with all original victims. I think that’s where Saw 5 hit a stride because it did it better than say for example Saw 2.  The last room where you had to stick your arm in and give blood from a table saw into a beaker- (the amount required was just above a death wish for the human body)…was one of the worst and most poignant in my opinion.  What was your favorite? The needle bath was a close second! hah

Let’s go through these films briefly and I will give you my mini review on each. Maybe then you can decide which one to rent.

Saw 1 2004:

You’ll recognize some of this cast:   Talk about a big change for “Wesley” in the Princess Bride!  Along Came a Spider’s Monica Potter also stars!

This is a MUST see.  You are introduced to the whole theory behind the killings, the people caught in the traps and how the game works.

The IMDB summary is very confusing to someone who hasn’t seen the film so I’ll do my best here:  Two guys wake up in a disgusting bathroom tied and chained to the bathtub and a pole. They have no clue how they got there. Suddenly, the clues are presented, and these men must make a choice that can end up killing them or their family. If you want to just simply escape, you have to chop a limb off. What you don’t realize is there is a HUGE ending here that will shock the hell out of you.

Saw 2: 2005

Saw 2 presents the killer’s lair (and he eventually is revealed head on) where a cop is being held hostage trying to pry his way out of a death contraption. At the same time there is a house of horrors where strangers with common ties, and common crimes, are being tested one room at a time.  Jigsaw is at it again!  This time with more gore so you as a viewer are satisfied with the sequel! We can see the house on video from inside the lair… turns out the killer is sick with cancer. We learn that the series is always going to have this killer (or a minion of his) but a whole new set of people and reasons for rehabilitation. At the same time, cops will die and need to be replenished so you may not see all of the same cast moving forward!

 

Saw 3:

 

Jeff is an anguished man, who grieves and misses his young son that was killed by a driver in a car accident. He has become obsessed for revenge against the man and reckless with his wife and daughter. When Dr. Lynn Denlon, who has troubles with her marriage, is abducted by the deranged Jigsaw’s apprentice Amanda, she is brought to a gruesome warehouse to keep John Kramer alive in spite of having a terminal brain tumor. Amanda puts a necklace gadget full of explosives around Dr. Lynn’s neck connected to John Kramer’s life support system, and tells her that if he dies the device will explode. Meanwhile, Jeff is submitted to a sick game of forgiveness with surprising dark consequences.  

This film does a good job bringing on the gore but most people would say the plot was so- so. If you need to skip one, I think you can skip this one. Just read the full synopsis on IMDB to understand what happens to John Kramer aka Jigsaw.

3/5- Decent Plot, Decent Gore- Good to learn about Kramer (Jigsaw’s next steps)

 

 


 

Saw 4 2007

Tobin Bell Jigsaw / John
Costas Mandylor Hoffman
Scott Patterson Agent Strahm
Betsy Russell Jill
Lyriq Bent Rigg
Athena Karkanis Agent Perez
Justin Louis Art
Simon Reynolds Lamanna
Donnie Wahlberg Eric Matthews

Jigsaw and his protege are dead but guess what? Jigsaw is still planning killings despite his death. I LOVED THIS FILM!  During the autopsy of John Kramer, the coroner finds a tape inside his stomach and calls Detective Hoffman. Some people do not like this film at all but here is a great review on IMDB  “Here’s where the line’s drawn between Saw IV and it’s predecessors. With the deaths of two main characters in Saw III, you can’t possibly think of how Saw IV could really be close to a decent film. Instead of a basic storyline of traps, unlucky individuals who don’t appreciate their lives, and suspenseful jump scenes, Saw IV delivers a completely different premise: it’s darker, edgier, scarier, more complex, more intricately designed, and more controversial than its predecessors. In some ways, the most horrifying thing about the film is instead of watching people being tested on screen–YOU, as a viewer, are tested–challenged to see what Jigsaw sees, feel what Jigsaw feels…judge how Jigsaw judges. The traps aren’t there to entertain, or to make you recoil in disgust…they’re there to make you THINK.”

3/5-  Great Opening- Not as much gore, more audience intellectual involvement.

 

Saw 5: 2008

Tobin Bell Jigsaw / John
Costas Mandylor Mark Hoffman
Scott Patterson Agent Strahm
Betsy Russell Jill
Julie Benz Brit
Meagan Good Luba

There is a new apprentice and this film plays a “Who is it?” amongst the characters- (the cop characters that remain). Jigsaw’s instructions have somehow floated through to the 5th installment but they do a good job at relieving that a bit with this new apprentice and via flashback scenes. We see some great new traps and rehabilitation scenes.  If you watched this film and had no idea about the others in the series you would be freaked out and a bit lost. Some say this was the best film since Saw 2 and others say that it doesn’t beat Saw 3. I think each viewer is different when it comes to this. Personally, I liked it..and I thought the traps were just as good and fulfilling! If you are a true SAW fan, this film is worthy of a watch.

4/5- More Gore!! New Apprentice!! Some Great Scenes.

Tropic Thundaaa Review

 

We’ve all seen the bloody, intense and dramatic films like “The Thin Red Line”, “Saving Private Ryan”, “Courage Under Fire”..and the like.  If you have a war set in the tropical environment, like Vietnam, it’s even crazier. God only knows what’s going to come right up and bite you.  Now, throw in some comedy and make fun of war movies in general and you’ll get Tropic Thunder. A pretty cool premise. You have to give Stiller some credit for making fun of war movies. It’s about time we can laugh at some of the atrocities that have plagued our nation!  I guess you can say this was already done with the Charlie Sheen phenomenon…but Stiller brings his own unique MUCH FUNNIER flair.

The film starts off with incredibly funny mockeries of different films that these main actors are starring in. It’s a movie about a cast filming the movie “Tropic Thunder”. So..Stiller gives us a little story on each character and what their current pathetic celebrity status is. Ben Stiller was a huge action star in the past but he needs a hit BADLY…or his career will be over. Is Tropic Thunder going to be the big hit they all need?

One rapper/actor in the “film” sells “Booty Sweat” energy drinks while another actor finished up a film about a gay monk who starts doing the nasty with Tobey Macguire. Not joking.  They all need a new hit movie but they really hate this one for some reason. Their agents are making them do it. A war film in the tropics? bahh! You soon realize that these actors, Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr., Nick Nolte (yes Nick has a job) and Jack Black most notably, are starring together in this war movie, and they all just want it to be over and done with.

The movie was taken from a novel as full of crap as a gas station bathroom. The director gets pissed…he gets in trouble….things explode…and it’s a terrible production.

Only…what they don’t realize is it’s not really a film anymore. They actually find themselves in the hell hole of the Vietnam tropics…alone…with their acting ability and a few guns. Circumstances have led them to REAL fighting and REAL possibilities of death and destruction. Like any Stiller comedy the jokes can be absolutely hysterical or only so-so.  I laughed for 15 minutes straight when the film started so that was actually a nice feeling. Ben Stiller has a hilarious scene where his hands are blown off…. you’ll know what I mean. It’s priceless.

I’ll tell you what really makes this film awesome…. Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise plays a jewish “my shit don’t stink”  rich  producer/director/God/head of a studio.  Robert Downey Jr plays an Australian actor who turns himself black to play this part in Tropic Thunder.

There is a part in this film I actually rewinded 5 times to watch again..and again…and again. It’s that funny. Tom Cruise actually is FUNNY! WOW! Who knew? I won’t give it away.  Robert Downey Jr. has the perfect black man “chitlens and biscuits” vibe going on which severely pisses off the REAL black rapper/actor during the entire film.  I think having both of these characters was the only way they could pull that off.

If you are in the entertainment industry, you’ll understand some of the little jokes Stiller places in the film like the gift basket that he receives from his agent. It’s got shity old movies like “The Queen” and a coloring book from a kid’s movie. That’s totally typical of a Hollywood gifting phenomenon; screeners and crap in a closet from previous movies. I saw quite a few Hollywood jabs.

In total..Stiller does a good job making a complete mockery of the movie making process, Hollywood, The Oscars….and everyone in between. See Tropic Thunder for a good laugh and some star studded cast members. Don’t see it if you are expecting phenomenal dialogue. One word of caution, I really had to be careful with the volume. The bad language is very bad in this film- and pretty constant.

Stiller Star moment: The Asian child he adopts while being brainwashed in the POW camp attacks him with a knife when he tries to escape….and Stiller tosses the kid about a mile up river. It’s hilarious.

Suprisingly….Nick Nolte plays a decent role and didn’t fall asleep from too much crack. Yay for him.

 

Grade: B

Righteous Kill, Murdered Plots

 

In this film, we have a star stuffed cast, and a whole lot of expectation. Watch out- a few spoilers ahead–let’s review the righteousness of HEAT #2.  The plot of this movie dissected two main personalities and how they deal with death, violence and destruction. (I remind the audience of the Scorcese film…”The Departed”. ) Wrought by a recent judicial stomach issue where the government threw a rapist back up and onto the streets, the two cops are figuring out what the badge means if justice is really this crappy. They also contemplate how scotch tastes…and the purpose of a “police” psychologist who encourages them to write down their feelings.

TRAILER

We all know, there is no other way of life for these hard-asses. Al Pacino says it great when he says “I had two choices. The badge and gun or the hard hat and hammer”.

People are dyin….and the killer is leaving poems- really shitty “violets are red” type of poems.  At some point due to time and circumstance-the entire police gang realizes this killer knows cop talk..and cop time…and cop moves.

Who you think is going to end up as the horrible killer/poet (blah!) is obvious but then you think to yourself…no..it’s not that easy! Is it? They have to throw a wrench in this somehow!!

Is it one of the cops? Is it one of the bad guys they put away in the shadows who has revenge on their tongue? Is it the a-hole who was released? No because he’s dead now. Is it Donnie Wahlberg who I thought was Mark Wahlberg the entire time? (They really do look like twins but I think Donnie has a slight tard-ish dialogue pause)

Ohh you almost tricked me mister movie when you had one of the characters confessing on video interlaced throughout the movie.

Why do I feel this film plot was regurgitated out from a writer who had no time to think of something special?

Besides Robert Deniro getting it on like a screen door in a hurricane with a much younger Carla Gugino (shivers run up my spine for some reason)–(actually let me explain more. There is a scene where Carla is already dressed and up lighting a smoke and Bobby Deniro is still trying to get up off the kitchen floor a few mintes later- man that’s sexy!!) It’s such an odd scene- but I guess they wanted to pose Deniro as the fragile sex fiend.

I had a problem with the fact that THIS IS WHERE THE EXCITEMENT ENDS. I figured the entire movie out in 10 minutes and was hoping I’d be whipped back into an enticing plot. No Go. That’s it folks… a few good lines of dialogue, some Bob Deniro sex…Al Pacino looking like he’s smoked a million packs of cigarettes..(note to self) and the plot ends up being what we feared— ”too easy”. I think everyone thought it would be trickier and more intense as a psychological theory based who-done-it. It wasn’t and I have to give it a big FAIL.

So, one can argue that the point of the film was not to focus on whodoneit syndrome but rather focus on the mentality of a killer…. and who is driven to kill….

I’m still just not impressed and surprised they picked this script to band together on.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1034331/

Grade: D

“The Knowing” Film Review

For those who enjoy watching films such as “The Mothman Prophecies“, “Signs“, “White Noise“, “Minority Report“, “Contact” and “The Day After Tomorrow” then you’ll most likely enjoy this movie.  You’re going to get disasters, numbers, prophecies, extra terrestrials, and the apocalypse….and last but not least;  Nic Cage- with his teardrop eyes and mad professer haircut.  By the way, Ebert gave this film 4 stars. Do I agree? Yes and No.  Let me explain….

Nic Cage teaches at the Massachusets Institute of Technology and begins to tell his class the difference between determinism (Crap happens for a reason) and realism (Crap just happens).  Due to the loss of his wife from a freak accident you can probably guess where Nic Cage’s thoughts lie.  He’s a single father to their son, Caleb, and a genius with a penchant for alcohol after bedtime. His son rattles off astronomy numbers, loves animals and decides to become a vegetarian. You get the feeling his son’s pretty damn smart for a reason within the first 5 minutes.  Like father like son.

50 years prior at Caleb’s school, a classroom full of kids placed their pictures and messages in a time capsule so that 5 decades later in 2009, another classroom of kids can celebrate them along with the bicentennial of the school’s opening.  Not by any random order, Caleb receives the envelope from the strange girl who only wrote numbers on hers. Can you say psycho? 

It takes a bit of time for Nic to figure out that this isn’t your average list of numbers; it’s a checklist of every major disaster in the past 50 years with a dotted line to a finale.  We see the sun on random things- which should clue me in on something but it doesn’t. I must have taken my stupid pills as I watched this today. Anyways… Nic Cage goes on a rampage trying to stop the casualities to no avail.

Being chased by strange men who also hide outside his house and whisper to Caleb don’t help Nic save the world and add a successful creepy factor to the story.

Nic Cage channels the character perfectly. …perfect enough to not notice he’s acting which is what we want anyways. However I don’t think this character on paper allows him any sort of Oscar worthy performance above let’s say, Tom Cruise’s performance in “War Of The Worlds“.

Rose Byrne joins him  as they figure out how everything’s going to go down- and guess what? She knows a bit about these random events because the crazy chick who wrote the numbers was her mother.  I think she brings a different taste to the film as opposed to a vanilla Monica Potter who would normally take this type of role.

Let me tell you why you should see this film: the subway scene. It’s fantastic and I believe showcases some of the BEST special effects in a film.  The airplane scene was equally as awesome- but if held at gunpoint I’d go for the subway scene. You’ll know what I mean when you watch it.

Overall the story takes you on a nail biting journey that occasionally annoys you because you KNOW a bit about these films by now.  It’s very similar in my opinion to the slow pick up, obvious intertwining of characters,  and reasons/professions/locations that many movies have these days.

There are a couple wrenches thrown in for good measure that I didn’t see coming so that’s always a plus. Guess what though? These whispers, special kids and prophecies are pointing towards a finale and it’s a bit like Day After Tomorrow, except..not as cheesy. Technically this film has two endings which is sorta cool.  Picture the beach scene in the film “Contact” versus the actual final ending when she gets back to the real world and you’ll kind of know what we mean. One thing is for certain…it gets your brain thinking and wondering WHAT IF?

Grade: B

Oz-One Of The Best HBO Shows You Never Saw

 
 

Oswald State Penetentiary is where it all goes down.

One experiemental cell block, in the middle of hell on earth, has been nicknamed “Emerald City”. Tim McManus is heading up the Emerald City unit hoping to rehabilitate the inmates and reform the prison system. Good freaking luck! The difference of the unit compared to most? There are no walls; it’s a giant fishbowl and therefore EVERYTHING starts seeping to the surface. McManus believes that this new aquarium society will  help hasten the rehabilitation process when in reality we all know that fish from different walks of life don’t normally get along well. Most, won’t even survive the first few months.  Now you know this show isn’t just about the characters but reformative prison experiements which adds another layer for the audience to debate.

The characters are some of the BEST characters I have seen on a television. Edie Falco did “Oz” while doing The Sopranos because the script was so good and she’s a better actress for it. She’s on board the cast as a plain Jane security guard who has an ongoing love affair with McManus.  Edie has a knack for playing these palpable, masculine female entities with no makeup on and a uniform. The situations and drama are riveting, brutal, realistic and shocking. The writing is on point and masterful.

Ryan O’ Riley has been a favorite character along with Beecher, the nerdy ex-lawyer, in prison for killing a young girl while intoxicated. Beecher becomes the man he never was on the outside and even takes a crap on another inmates face. Don’t worry…by this point you WANT him to do it. The real heart of the show is how the writers show you Beecher’s deterioration and humiliation; his renewed ability to change in order to survive. We, as an audience, learn about prison thru Beecher’s eyes and so we’re essentially the underdogs right along with him.

Beecher has an ongoing war with Vern Schillinger for most of the season which is like picking a fight with the Devil. He’s the Aryan leader who’s not afraid to pork you in the middle of a crowd, literally. He’s got a bucket of hatred that he’s just waiting to pour all over Beecher every time he sees him. Vern is your worst enemy if you were ever thrown into prison.

The show chronicles the pace of prison life, the rules, the guards, the budgets, the politics, the reformation, finding God, not finding God, solitary confinement, race wars, religious wars, murder, why people kill each other, psychology of prisons, etc. You name it, you will get it in this show. Yes, you’ll also see some gay action and hear the word “tits”; which is slang for drugs. 

The invisible prison narrator, sitting in a glass box on the ceiling, is a really unique twist on the show. His thoughts and observations help smooth over the general morality and prison philosophy.  In addition, the show drives you to want to find out what each main character did to be thrown in jail.

At the end of the day what keeps you downloading episodes of the show is: the fallible heart of Tim McManus, the desire for some of these people to change their lives and to see these characters seek revenge. This show brings the edge of reality television which helps keep you entertained; a lot like “Gangland”.

Here is my favorite review from another site called improbableoptimisms.blogspot.com:

“I agree with him that Oz’s body count makes Vietnam look like Club Med, and some of the plot twists were more than a little contrived. But at the same time, the show did a wonderful job of depicting all of its characters as complicated, three-dimensional people. I especially admired the treatment of Vern Schillinger, the Aryan leader whom we loathe one moment and pity the next. Schillinger’s capable of truly operatic acts of villainy, but we grieve with him when his sons die, and in the final season, when his hero Mayor Loewen insults and dismisses him, the wounded-child look on his face is heart-breaking.

All of Oz’s characters, even the most seemingly despicable, struggle with hard questions. Witness Claire Howell, the sadistic C.O. who uses her power to coerce inmates into having sex with her. She’s one of the most loathesome people in Oz right up until the last episode, when she discovers that she’s pregnant and delivers a rueful, moving monologue to Father Mukada. She doesn’t believe in abortion, and since she’s pretty certain her baby will be mixed-race (“golden-brown and marinated in salsa,” as she says with typical bluntness), she doesn’t want to raise the child in her redneck neighborhood. But on a C.O.’s salary, especially as an about-to-be-single mother, she can’t afford to move.

What I liked most about the series, though — what kept me watching through the endless shankings, betrayals, and ever-more-convoluted iterations of the Beecher-Schillinger-Keller triangle — was its treatment of faith. The show takes faith and spirituality seriously. Father Mukada, the prison chaplain and Catholic priest, is neither a caricature nor a cardboard cutout. He does a very difficult job as well as he can, often struggling alongside the prisoners with doubt and despair. Sister Peter Marie, Catholic nun and prison psychologist, is similarly complex.

Take the episode “Capital 1″ in the first season. Mukada and Sister Pete both follow the teachings of the Catholic Church in opposing the death penalty, and they’re torn about how to respond when it’s reinstituted. Father Mukada decides that he has to stay in the prison to provide pastoral care to prisoners on death row. Sister Pete takes a very different approach, quitting her job — albeit briefly — to join the anti-death-penalty picketers outside the prison. Neither character arrives easily or automatically at a course of action. They aren’t saints; they’re frail, fallible humans.

We also see the prisoners, especially Muslim leader Said and his followers, struggling with the meaning and consequences of religious faith. Almost every character on Oz, even those who aren’t formally religious, runs head-on into conflicts involving redemption, salvation, and forgiveness. On Oz, these aren’t just pretty words. They’re very literally matters of life and death. This is a show where questions about the soul have the driving urgency of countdowns to thermo-nuclear explosion in superhero movies. That makes sense, of course, since the action takes place in confined spaces. In Oz, theology replaces car chases.

Grade: Solid A

 

 

    

 

 

New Children’s Show Ideas

 

 

We often like to predict a new show or idea coming to fruition on a television near you. This time we are focusing on children’s shows.  With the success of ATHF or Aqua Teen Hunger Force as it’s called..(and don’t worry if you have no idea what it is it just means you have a healthy clean system) and the Weight Watchers “Hungry” monster….not to mention Richard Simmons——it’s about time we have a new children’s show. The host will be a big blob of orange meat.  This blob will teach children all about healthy eating and even take calls like a younger version of love line.

What are some names we would have for the show?

1. Carly Cholesterol and Sandra Sugar are BAD Neighbors.

2. Mister Meathead‘s Refrigerator

3. Take A Walk With A Large Stranger

4. Coffee Is Fine- She’s Lying

5. What Mom Is Really Doing By Feeding You Macaroni And Cheese

6. Myths And Legends Of Crusty Meat

7. “PYBEB” –Preparing Your Body For Eventual Breakdown

8. Ho Ho‘s And Ding Dongs

9. Fringles- A Land Of Potato Chips On The Fringe between reality and the supernatural.

10. Twinkie Town

11. Hungry Valley

12. When Hunger Strikes The Innocent- Rise Against The Machines!!

San Diego Comic-Con International - 2008
Image by robjtak via Flickr
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Image by pokpok313 via Flickr
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